This is in response to the blog post I wish I would have known :
It’s gut-wrenching and beautiful, but at the same time I find it unnecessary (and to some extent unhealthy) to carry guilt over decisions made in ignorance (which your words seem to be conveying to me). I don’t know for sure about it’s literary value, but it seems to me that the truth your words contain is clouded by the guilt (that I‘m not convinced is necessary). Only you and God know that for sure.
Also, it is sometimes very difficult to separate cultural norms from “sin”. For example, some couples believe they are mandated by God to have as many children as they can possibly conceive and it is sinful to manipulate conception by any means. Others believe it is irresponsible to have more children than a couple can reasonably afford to care for (or physically or emotionally care for). Some think is it noble to have large families while others find it offensive when these same large families depend on the government for their sustenance or say, the college-education of their children.
In short, I‘m not convinced that the Bible is as clearly spoken on these things as some people are convinced it is. And, while I‘m willing to be corrected on that thought, I do not believe that God desires anyone to live in penitent guilt over past decisions (whether those decisions were made in ignorance or were made willfully). Sin is to be confessed and forgiveness embraced. There is freedom in forgiveness. Your words, as beautiful as they are, do not convey that to me.
In short, I think your words will resonate with persons who have large families because your painful words will validate their choices and convictions. On the other hand, it is potentially offensive to those who have made (or are making) a conscious choice to be responsible about the size of their family. And what about families where one spouse would welcome all the children that might come from their marital union, but the other spouse does not desire that? Should one feel guilt or despair because the other is convicted differently? And what about all the poor forgotten children who could be lovingly adopted by couples who don’t feel their home is blessed enough? Why are natural children more a blessing than these?
I would encourage you to truly accept God’s forgiveness for any wrong decisions you believe you have made in your past and release the pain you are continuing to carry. Assuming you have children (or you wouldn’t be posting on a homeschooling list), I would suggest that you not take away from the blessings you do have (i.e. your current children), by grieving for the children you might have had. Scriptures tell us that “God opens and closes the womb”, therefore you also might *not* have had any more children than you currently do. Only God know these things. To pine for something that might or might not have existed seems wasteful to me of the joy you can have over what you DO know to exist.
I do not meant to be critical in any mean-spirited way, but rather I would desire (for you) that you to leave this pain in the past and embrace the wonderful blessings that are yours.
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